bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
