I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Found your dick twin last night
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.