she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
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I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
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i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.