fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE