I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.