nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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