First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
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His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
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I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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