So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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