I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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