I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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