The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
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alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
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Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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