my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
