All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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