you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
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Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
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This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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