I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
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Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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