I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
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Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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