help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
