it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up