I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.