I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
