remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
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She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
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Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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