addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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