Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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