how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
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The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
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he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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