It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If its not for food we ain't going out.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
