there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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