its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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