Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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