I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
