Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize