it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize