im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
We just shotgunned beers for America
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?