There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.