Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?