My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
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Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
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Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We're too hungover to prance.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law