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God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
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