someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream