Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
