I think I died a long time ago.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
