I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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