I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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