There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
