I wanna passion pit in your ass
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
