There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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