We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i out mim tonsoeep
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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