I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
