The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she peed on how many people?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
