I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize