Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
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Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
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I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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