I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
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I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
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I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!