Even the bartender felt bad for me
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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