I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
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His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
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Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom