you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.