I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
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In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
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My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.