she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
This house was built for laser tag.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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