This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
