I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
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I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
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I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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