Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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