when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
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He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
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How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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