I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize