love makes seman taste better
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We smell like vodka and hangover
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