He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I am one with the molecules
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
