She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
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I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
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It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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