god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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